1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,871
Okay, Chestnut,
it's time to play that game

2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,674
where we take shots
while we pay our bills

3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,211
that Max so cleverly named,
"that game where we take shots

4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,413
while we pay our bills."

5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,148
Hey, if you want me
to think of a better name,

6
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,016
we should probably stop taking shots

7
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,585
while we pay our bills.

8
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:20,288
If this bill says first warning,

9
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,356
we take a shot,
and Chestnut gets a carrot.

10
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,457
If it's a final notice,

11
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:26,460
Chestnut gets two carrots,
and we take a double shot.

12
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:28,462
And if it's gone into collections,

13
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,998
we shoot ourselves,
and Chestnut gets three carrots.

14
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:34,568
And also, I'm gonna take shots
whenever I want to.

15
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,804
All right, only a couple bills to go

16
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,739
and $149 to pay them.

17
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,174
That's an odd number.
Shot!

18
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,614
Man, our electric bill is $72

19
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,382
That's an even number.
Shot!

20
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,587
Next up, I have gas.

21
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,789
Thanks for the heads-up this time.

22
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,794
We have $77,
and the bill's only 76.84.

23
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,463
Numbers! Shot!

24
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,066
This is the first time
we've ever broken even.

25
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,968
Wait, what do we do
when we break even?

26
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,137
Shots?

27
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,573
(THEME MUSIC)

28
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,342
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

29
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,052
I'm so proud we paid all our bills.

30
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:28,789
And with actual
American dollars this time.

31
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,559
There might've been a
couple of pesos in the mix,

32
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,295
that or the nickel
has a sweet new donkey.

33
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,831
Look, girls, I got the new iPhone,

34
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,734
and Siri thinks I'm hilarious.

35
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,804
I hear that phone
has a great camera for selfies.

36
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,340
Or, in your case, elfies.

37
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,710
Smile, Max.

38
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:53,414
Nice.
Hash tag, will die alone...

39
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:58,219
Oh, already got a like.

40
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,821
(POLISH ACCENT) Hey, everybody.

41
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,025
Big news.

42
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:08,796
I finally met the man of my dreams.

43
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,865
Sophie, that's not news.
You've known me for years.

44
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,435
Oh, Earl, another place,

45
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,304
another time, another woman,

46
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,071
another man.

47
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,108
Hey, girls, you better
wipe down my booth.

48
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,644
My boyfriend's parking
his Lincoln outside.

49
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,347
Yeah, he dropped me off first
'cause he's a class act,

50
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,617
and because he had
to put his pants back on.

51
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,887
There she is.
There's my peanut.

52
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:38,025
You hear that?
He calls me his peanut.

53
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,863
Holy crap, she's look even prettier
than the last time I saw her.

54
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:47,335
What'd you do, get some beauty creams
on the way from the car to the diner?

55
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,638
Oh, maybe.

56
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:54,041
Sophie, it's nice to see you
so giddy about something.

57
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,009
Yeah, you're like me
sitting on that broken washer

58
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,145
at the Laundromat.

59
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,981
I'm Nicky, but my friends call me

60
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,051
when they need money.

61
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,219
(CHUCKLES)

62
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:06,587
I'm Caroline.
This is Max.

63
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,590
I'm gonna ask you the same question
I ask every guy around your age.

64
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:10,991
Are you my dad?

65
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,494
Maybe one of you dolls can get me

66
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,829
a glass of water
to wash down my Tums?

67
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,899
Sexy and he has an ulcer.

68
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,969
Sure, I'll go get you some
menus and the wine list.

69
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,305
Don't get excited.
That's just a list of everything

70
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,840
Caroline's whined
about in the last year.

71
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:31,645
What's up with
Robert de Zero over there?

72
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,614
I used to have a
leather jacket like that.

73
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,385
Then I realized, when you have
the right to bare arms,

74
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,520
you bare them, baby.

75
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,490
(BELL DINGS)
Omelet. Pick up.

76
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,193
I think Oleg just got jealous.

77
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,930
I think Oleg just got
underarm dandruff in these eggs.

78
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,333
Enjoy.

79
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,934
Here are your menus,

80
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,537
and we're out of everything
in the pictures since 1974.

81
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,539
So the little girl
smiling eating a waffle,

82
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,510
she's a grandma now,
and she calls Penn Station home.

83
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,679
Here you go, dolls, for your trouble.

84
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:09,750
A 100 bucks?
It's like free money.

85
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,452
Can you imagine
what he would've given us

86
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,054
if the glasses were clean?

87
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:16,156
All this money
and I didn't even do anything.

88
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:20,561
I'm one mustache away
from being a Kardashian.

89
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,663
Yeah, Nicky's a big-shot bookie

90
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,398
with a Yorkie and a membership

91
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,834
to the VIP lounge at the race track.

92
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,670
A Yorkie and a green leather jacket?

93
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,039
Are you even real?

94
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,042
I love horse racing. I used to go
to the track all the time,

95
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:38,011
and not to brag,
but I do own a thoroughbred.

96
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,380
Oh, yeah, she does.

97
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:43,917
I see it eating out of the
garbage can from my window.

98
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,986
Here, that's Chestnut.

99
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,389
That's a beauty,
but not as much a beauty

100
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,290
as my peanut right here.

101
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,593
Oh, he just compared me to a horse,

102
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,028
but I like it anyway.

103
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,432
Why don't you two dolls join us

104
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,267
at the track's Turf Club
some afternoon?

105
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,636
Oh, we're busy,
and it's all the way out in--

106
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,705
-Are you paying?
-Of course.

107
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,273
Oh, then, we're there.

108
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:10,143
-In fact, can we go right now?
-Yeah, we're not doing anything.

109
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,821
Max, look, the Turf Club.

110
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,591
Us way up here,
the horses down there on the track

111
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,959
being forced
into their starting gates.

112
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,395
This is so exciting.

113
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,132
Girl, we've been here 30 seconds,

114
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,267
and you already blew your bugle.

115
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,437
Pace yourself.

116
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:39,172
Max, Caroline, over here!

117
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,476
Wow, I haven't seen Sophie this happy

118
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:45,913
since that girl slipped on the ice
in front of our building.

119
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,115
That girl was me, Max.

120
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,351
And I really hurt my coccyx.

121
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:55,055
You have a coccyx?
You want to go out sometime?

122
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,490
Hey, girls.

123
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,059
Come on, Peanut.
Get a little closer to me.

124
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,494
Closer. Little closer.

125
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:03,030
Closer. Little closer.

126
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,899
What can I say, girls?
I can't get close enough.

127
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:09,603
Do you hear that?
He can't get close enough.

128
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,405
Thank you so much for inviting us.

129
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,641
It feels great to be
back at the track again.

130
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,610
Horse racing is, after all,
the sport of kings.

131
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:20,080
I'm more interested in the sport
of king crab legs right over there.

132
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,416
So, is this an
all-you-can-eat deal here,

133
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,385
-or will a waiter come drag me away?
-Knock yourself out.

134
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,655
How much could
a girl like you possibly eat?

135
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,958
You know how a cobra
can swallow an entire pig?

136
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,362
It's like that.

137
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:38,532
Hey, Caroline, you want two or three?

138
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:42,970
So, Max tells me you met
at 24 Hour Fitness 24 hours ago.

139
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:46,474
Yes, he spotted me in a handstand.

140
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,210
Nicky, who am I gonna bet on?

141
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,514
Who do you like, besides me?

142
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,850
Sophie, go with Mess in a Dress.
She had great morning sprints,

143
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,587
first-time blinkers,
jockey weighed in a pound under,

144
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,456
and at the Preakness,
she was second in seven furlongs,

145
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,024
and this race is only six furlongs.

146
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,326
Yeah, you're talking for long.

147
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,262
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go
with number three,

148
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:13,501
-My Uncle Hank.
-My Uncle Hank? He's out of jail?

149
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,704
Yeah, we should probably
eat this and head out.

150
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,573
Oh, see, that's my horse.
My horse, Uncle Hank.

151
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,709
And look, see?
He just pooped.

152
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,511
He's trying to get away from it.

153
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,079
I know about that.
That's how I am.

154
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:31,384
Got to make the donuts, but first,
give me that kisses, sister.

155
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,555
(GUSHES)
So romantic.

156
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,557
Max, maybe we should
get in on the action.

157
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:40,093
No, that's a lot of tongue for me.

158
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,863
No, I meant place a bet.

159
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,333
And, Max, I think I'm in a three-way.

160
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,502
Well, you look exactly
the way I imagined

161
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,672
you'd look in a three-way.
Reading.

162
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,875
Come on, we have that free money,

163
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,677
and you love to gamble.

164
00:07:56,810 --> 00:08:00,313
Yeah, but nothing stupid,
just, like, not using a condom.

165
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,415
Oh, what the hell?

166
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,284
Wait, wait, Nicky, Nicky, here.

167
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,587
Here's your money.
Two hundred on Mess in a Dress.

168
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:11,625
Oh, wait, I think I have
a mess in my dress.

169
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,763
You got it, doll, and I'm sending
over some of those special popovers.

170
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:19,099
Sophie, make sure you get one.

171
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,234
Oh, do you hear that?

172
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:25,906
There's gonna be a ring
in one of those popovers.

173
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,440
I didn't hear any of that.

174
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,543
Well, why else would
someone order popovers

175
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,580
unless they were gonna
hide a ring in it?

176
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:36,449
I just ate the entire
cast of Finding Nemo.

177
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:37,785
I'm not saying I'm sick.

178
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,754
I'm just saying
that clown fish wants out.

179
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,323
Afternoon, ladies.
Enjoy the popovers.

180
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,126
And are you finished with that?

181
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,761
Let's just say
it's finished with me.

182
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:48,896
(BELL RINGING)

183
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:49,963
And they're off.

184
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:53,133
-This is so exciting.
-I know. I wonder which one it's in.

185
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,737
Oh. Oh, not that one.

186
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,640
All right.
Whoops, not that one.

187
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:03,844
Look, look, there's our horse,
Mess in a Dress. She's in the lead.

188
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,546
Oh, no, not that one.

189
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,783
-Yes, yes, yes.
-No, no, no.

190
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,019
COMMENTATOR:
And the winner is Mess in a Dress.

191
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:16,624
-We won! We won.
-Are we being winners right now?

192
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,358
I don't know how to be that.

193
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,794
Suddenly I don't know
what to do with my hands.

194
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,262
Nothing.

195
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,297
I mean, who in the hell
would order popovers

196
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,500
and not hide a diamond ring in it?

197
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:31,371
Here you go, dolls.
Six big ones.

198
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,944
Max, this is incredible.
We had 200, and now we have 600.

199
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,145
Even more free money.

200
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,980
(HUMS HORSE RACING FANFARE)

201
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,683
And, waiter, bring my peanut

202
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,652
one of those banana splits.

203
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,454
You hear that?

204
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:51,258
There's a diamond ring in the bottom
of the banana split.

205
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,327
And, Leon, for your trouble.

206
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,729
Really? A hundred?

207
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,732
Yup, I was a waitress
before I was rich.

208
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,167
And also after that fish,

209
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,369
I might need you to
carry me to the subway.

210
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,315
Whoever that is going
through my pants,

211
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,017
you should know I have a gun.

212
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,419
Max, it's me, Caroline.

213
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,022
Why do you think I bought the gun?

214
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,624
Okay, Max, you know how today

215
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,861
we won 600 on our 200
after just that one horse race?

216
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,462
Yeah, that was weird,
but not as weird

217
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,264
as waking up to see
you standing in the dark

218
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,266
going to third base with my pants.

219
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,703
If I bet our winnings
with the three-to-one odds

220
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:36,904
on this horse tomorrow,

221
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,706
do you know
how much I can make us?

222
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,875
Let's see. Two, carry the one....
Get out.

223
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,511
I have the racing form
right back here.

224
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,613
Don't bring that over here.
That's been near your crack.

225
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,416
See? Right here. First race tomorrow.
There She Blows.

226
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,251
If she's blowing that
early in the morning,

227
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,420
she deserves our money.

228
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,988
I've done all the research

229
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,556
and checked it with Chestnut.

230
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,591
It's a sure thing, like
the sun coming up tomorrow,

231
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:02,730
or that Somali pirate never getting
another acting job again.

232
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,398
You go out and get addicted
to horse racing

233
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,734
after I worked so hard

234
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,202
to put pills and weed on the table?

235
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,671
I am not addicted.

236
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,307
Now, where's your cash?
Because it wasn't in your piggy bank,

237
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,509
which someone, not me, broke.

238
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,413
You think you don't have a problem?
Then, fine, you can have the money.

239
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:23,316
-You won't be sorry. Where is it?
-In my bra.

240
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:26,219
-Where's your bra?
-On my boobs.

241
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,288
-You sleep in your bra?
-Have to.

242
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,824
Last time I let them out at night,
they didn't come home till 4:00 AM,

243
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,392
and couldn't tell me
where they'd been.

244
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,163
Max, just take it out of there,
please.

245
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,098
Nope, I'll tell you
what I tell every guy

246
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,733
who wants to get in there.

247
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:44,004
It's 12 bucks for adults
and 10.50 for seniors.

248
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,039
Fine, I'm doing this for both of us.

249
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,910
Still think you don't have a problem?

250
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,782
Gees, where is it?
Is there a map or a tour guide?

251
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:58,085
Coming up on your left.
You're about 20 minutes away.

252
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:01,188
It's quite a walk.
You might want to take the tram.

253
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,057
-Got it.
-Feel good about yourself?

254
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,259
I will after that race tomorrow.

255
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,161
And I promise
I'll never do that again.

256
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,663
That's what my Uncle Hank said.

257
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,400
No, I meant I'll never
ask you for money again.

258
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,368
That's what Uncle Hank's wife said.

259
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,603
No more gambling.

260
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,773
Now I feel like you read
the transcript of Uncle Hank's case.

261
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,975
Oh, wait, you forgot some.

262
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,544
Just kidding, it's late,
and it felt kind of good.

263
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,652
Max, I hope Caroline gets here soon,

264
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,789
because if that girl walks
in one full-hour late,

265
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,258
I'll have to respect
the hell out of her.

266
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,160
She's still at the track,

267
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,429
and I'm dying to know
how our horse did.

268
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,630
So much suspense.

269
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,866
I feel like I should
be peeing on a stick.

270
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,035
You girls are still playing
the horses.

271
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,138
Keep that in check.
My gambling problem got so bad

272
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,941
I couldn't even afford
my drug problem.

273
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,312
-You're back! So how did we do?
-We did great.

274
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,115
-We won our bet on There She Blows.
-Yes! How much did we get?

275
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,952
Are we talking "add avocado" money?

276
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:09,689
Well, we did do great,
and then we did not great.

277
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:13,293
And then we did bad,
and then we did real bad.

278
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,896
And then we did terrible.

279
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:19,766
Long story short, I'm out of Tums,
and we owe Nicky $3,000.

280
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,502
You... You owe Nicky.

281
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,271
When I got addicted
to Pizza Pringles,

282
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,273
I didn't make it your problem.

283
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:30,477
Your breath made it all our problems.

284
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,980
Max, Nicky's not,
like, dangerous, is he?

285
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,715
I bet he's not, but even if he is,
don't worry.

286
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:39,619
You can survive in the trunk of
a Lincoln for five, six days easy.

287
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,721
Max, I know I can make
all of this money back

288
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,557
if I just win one more race.
I just need a sure thing.

289
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,127
There is no such thing
as a sure thing,

290
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:50,297
except my mother
never picking me up from school.

291
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,132
Look, there are two horses tomorrow

292
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,700
that look really good,

293
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,836
Buck That and
Little House on the Gary.

294
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,172
Little House on the Gary.
That's my friend Eddie's horse.

295
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:00,573
We don't have time to pretend

296
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,642
you have a friend
named Eddie right now.

297
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,144
I do. Eddie Jones.

298
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,213
He's a famous jockey.
We met at the tailor.

299
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,482
We got to talking as we were both
having our jeans hemmed.

300
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,719
Where'd you buy them, JC Puny?

301
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,555
Han, please, you have to help me.
You have to talk to your friend,

302
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,257
and get me the scoop
on the race tomorrow.

303
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:20,961
Okay, I'll help on one condition.
No more short jokes from Max.

304
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,763
She can do that. You can do that,
right, Max? Don't answer.

305
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:26,766
-No more short jokes starting right--
-Okay, wait, but first,

306
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,801
didn't I see you on a baby food jar?

307
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,437
A mouse set a trap for you.

308
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,940
And don't you
have to bring a ring to Mordor?

309
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,811
Okay, let's do this.

310
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,950
Eddie said he'd meet us down here.

311
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,617
Han, I really appreciate this.

312
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,619
You're doing me such a big favor.

313
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,688
Yeah, and we're surprised
you can do anything big.

314
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,558
-Okay, that's it.
-Han, wait!

315
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,861
-I don't need it!
-Max, see what you did?

316
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,129
What?
I was on autopilot.

317
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:57,965
What did I say?

318
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,401
Han, please, Max won't say anything.

319
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:02,970
Good, because I've had it up to here.

320
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,272
You don't have it up to there.

321
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,174
Don't need it!

322
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,375
Max!

323
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,343
Please, you have to stop
with the short jokes.

324
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:11,611
This is my life.

325
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,646
But that's my life.

326
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,748
Keep it up, and I'm gonna be
at the bottom of the East River

327
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,484
with that hipster artisan
cheese truck

328
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,186
you pushed off the Brooklyn Bridge.

329
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:22,089
You're right.
No more short jokes.

330
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,661
Maybe I should wait outside.

331
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,131
So, Han, where's Eddie?
I think we should talk to him

332
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,334
as quickly as possible
before Max passes out.

333
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,603
I don't see him.
I'm sure he'll be here shortly.

334
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,905
And I just bit the inside
of my mouth.

335
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:40,940
Hey, Han!

336
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,676
I haven't seen you since
we took our little trip.

337
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:47,047
No, man, I saw you after my small
business owners' softball game.

338
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:51,818
Hey, I got new car, a Mini Cooper.

339
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,087
This is hell. I'm in hell.

340
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:55,955
Eddie, hi.
Is there anything you can tell me

341
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,391
about today's race?
Is there a sure thing?

342
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,293
You get yourself a bad bet?

343
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,562
Bad bet and beyond.

344
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,098
-Well, let me give you a little tip.
-I'll be outside.

345
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,237
COMMENTATOR:
And coming down the home stretch,

346
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,771
Little House on the Gary
has the lead.

347
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,973
Come on, Little House on the Gary!

348
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,375
Run! Run like Caroline after sundown

349
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,977
in an ethnic neighborhood.

350
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:22,215
The Hoof, The Hoof,
The Hoof is on fire!

351
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,984
He's winning. He's winning.
He's winning.

352
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,521
Oh, no, what's happening?
He's falling behind.

353
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,158
Oh, Lord.
Oh, my sweet, sweet Lord.

354
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,293
He's losing. He's losing.

355
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,196
He's losing.
Han, what is happening?

356
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,231
Well, maybe I'll take off.

357
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,534
Your friend said it was a sure thing.

358
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,737
There is no sure thing except another
Taylor Swift breakup song.

359
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,074
COMMENTATOR:
And Little House on the Gary

360
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:50,310
falls to pieces
as Falls to Pieces wins.

361
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,646
So what do we win
if our horse finishes last

362
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:57,717
and wanders around
the track with a giant erection?

363
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,087
All that and we lost?

364
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:03,256
Thanks for lunch.

365
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:06,959
Han, you're so small
your house is a Tic Tac box.

366
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,028
You're so small you ride
in your car cup holder.

367
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:12,599
You're so small your parents
are a ladybug and a Tater Tot.

368
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,435
I could see that, actually.

369
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,570
I don't need it!

370
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:23,776
You see, Caroline?
This is why I quit gambling,

371
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:27,414
this and the escalator
was always broken.

372
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,982
Let's just calm down.

373
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,285
This is the Turf Club,
not Goodfellas,

374
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,053
though that was placed
on real-life events

375
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,323
and took place not
that far from here.

376
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,425
Right, and maybe
he won't be so hard on us.

377
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,826
Nicky is Sophie's boyfriend.

378
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:43,696
-Well, I just broke up with Nicky.
-Why?

379
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,667
I just saw him beat the crap
out of some guy that owed him money.

380
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,371
Oh, no, here he comes.

381
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,744
There you are, dolls.

382
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,513
My leg is next.

383
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,549
Tough break.

384
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,484
I'm gonna take my three grand and go.

385
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,987
Peanut just broke up with me,
so I'm gonna go home and get in bed

386
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,124
with my dog and my wife.

387
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:13,693
I have to come clean.
We don't have your money.

388
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:14,961
I got out of control.

389
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,597
Doll, relax.
I'm a reasonable man.

390
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:21,033
-We can work out something.
-Oh, good.

391
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:24,471
Hope he shoots me first.
I'd rather be dead than hear you beg.

392
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,441
Still got that thoroughbred?

393
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,143
I'll come by tomorrow to get it.

394
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:35,515
He can't take my horse.
What am I gonna do?

395
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,017
You can always move to New York
and change your name to Max.

396
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,187
Wait, I already did that.

397
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,988
What is wrong with me?

398
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,591
I should have known better.
My father has problems with money.

399
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:48,127
It's in my DNA.
And now all because of a stupid bet,

400
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:49,729
I'm gonna lose Chestnut.

401
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,433
If it makes you feel any better,
my mom once lost me in a bet.

402
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,634
I still can't believe she thought

403
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,737
Robert Redford was in Tootsie.

404
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,038
We can't lose Chestnut.

405
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,774
Damn it, damn it, damn it, people.

406
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:02,975
Make me come out of retirement

407
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,944
just save your gambling asses.

408
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:08,315
Now, all I need is 100 bucks.

409
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:11,584
Hey, Caroline,
how fast can you have a baby?

410
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,586
Hey. Hi, Leon.

411
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,555
Remember us, the ones
who tipped you 100 bucks?

412
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,725
Oh, of course, it's hard to find that
kind of generosity in this place.

413
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,428
It gives you hope again.

414
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:24,597
Yeah, we're gonna need that back.

415
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,699
Well, actually, I need all my money.

416
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,067
I support my mother.

417
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:31,103
Yeah, maybe not today.

418
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,143
Max, I can't believe it.

419
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,012
I screwed me and
the horse I rode in on.

420
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,083
Why don't you film that
and get your money back?

421
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:47,220
Caroline, look.

422
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,789
Earl, you did it.
You saved Chestnut.

423
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,991
Yeah, well, we brown studs

424
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,427
have to stick together.

425
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,297
And I'll take that.

426
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,766
And since I don't trust myself,

427
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,169
I'm donating this 200
to my favorite charity.

428
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,405
So here.

429
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,808
Now, no more betting,

430
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,478
because the only sure thing in life
is death.

431
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,212
Have a nice day.

432
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,256
One for you, and one for me.

433
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,292
Two hundred,
we're back to our free money,

434
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,194
And this time, it's going
right in the savings account.

435
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,497
Well, it's not earning
much interest in there.

436
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,931
Here.

437
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,433
We're keeping this in a bank

438
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,234
with two major branches.

439
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,440
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

440
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,431
(English US - SDH)